


Proxy for the Dead

by HuliLuLi13



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2020-05-19 00:43:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19346050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HuliLuLi13/pseuds/HuliLuLi13
Summary: “I wish he hadn’t died”Joshua felt his insides churn at that. He understood fully well the message underneath it - I wish you had died instead.It was unspoken but he knows that's what Jeonghan meant. That's exactly what he meant.





	1. Chapter 1

“I wish he hadn’t died”

 

Jeonghan muttered, tears continuously streaming down his face. He held the picture frame tightly against his chest, not minding the wounds he’s getting from the broken pieces of glass still stuck to the frame. He was sobbing, not minding whoever was inside the room. Not minding the fact that Joshua was watching him.

 

Joshua felt helpless. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t mean to break the frame. It was an accident. But it happened and now he’s witnessing him act like this again and it scares him. This is almost as bad as the time _he_ died, but he knows nothing can top that. After 3 years of living together, of showing Jeonghan that he is loved, that Joshua cares for him, would do anything for him, he thought Jeonghan has learned to move on, he seemed like he had already moved on. Sure, they still have Seungcheol’s picture frame in the living room counter, but he understood Jeonghan’s need to still have even just a bit of him around. He thought that was that. He didn’t expect this reaction.

 

They had fought, well Jeonghan fought him, as Joshua was mostly apologetic. He was borderline aggressive and was unintentionally hurting Joshua. Joshua of course didn’t fight back. He watched as Jeonghan eventually stopped fighting him and focused on putting back the broken pieces of glass together. He tried to stop Jeonghan, but he was ignored. He just silently watched the love of his life as he hurt himself and listened to his soft mutterings. But the words that left Jeonghan’s mouth had utterly broken him.

 

“I wish he hadn’t died”

 

Joshua felt his insides churn at that. He understood fully well the message underneath it - _I wish you had died instead_. Because that’s exactly what Jeonghan meant. Because Joshua was honest to Jeonghan about Seungcheol’s death. How he died because he pushed Joshua away from the speeding truck, and got hit instead. How Joshua was supposed to die, how he honestly wanted to die, but was saved and survived instead. And Jeonghan knew all of this. And he knows that Jeonghan knows that Seungcheol living meant Joshua dying. And it hurts _it hurts_ , because he expected to hear it from everyone, but not from Jeonghan, not after everything they’ve been through.

 

But maybe he’s wrong and there’s nothing between them at all. Maybe their ten years of friendship meant nothing to Jeonghan, and he’s been mistaken all this time. And Joshua, armed with hundreds of heartaches his best friend has given him, finally put into words the thoughts he’s always been too afraid to voice out.

 

“I wish that, too. I wish it were me who died, too” Joshua managed to choke out, trying really hard not to break in front of Jeonghan. And those words made Jeonghan stop, and finally realise that Joshua was there.

 

“Wai- Joshua. That’s not what I -“

 

“Stop, that’s exactly what you meant. We both know that.”

 

Jeonghan quickly stood up, picture frame still against his chest, and tried to reach for Joshua, but Joshua couldn’t handle it, he was really close to breaking and the only option he has was to leave right now before he causes further damage - or before he himself receives it.

 

He left before Jeonghan could touch him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's another chapter. Thank you for the comments and to those who left Kudos! I really appreciate it. I think we're starting to find out why this fic is titled this way. 
> 
> Hope you like it!

Jeonghan was getting worried, it’s late and Joshua’s still not home. He hated himself. He’s hated himself before, but he hated himself even more now. He didn’t mean to say those words, well- he meant to say them, but they didn’t mean what Joshua thought they meant. He just meant exactly what he said, just wished that Seungcheol was still alive, that he never died. He wanted that, but that didn’t mean he wanted Joshua to die instead. But, he should probably have figured out that Joshua would think that way. The younger might not say it out loud, but Jeonghan had known Joshua for years and he knew that the younger blamed himself for Seungcheol’s death. He should’ve been more careful with his words.

 

He just wanted life to be the same as it was before his boyfriend died - the three of them, best of friends, and having the time of their lives. But, Seungcheol was taken away from them too quickly. 

 

Seungcheol had not always been a steady fixture in their lives. Before, it was just Joshua and Jeonghan, Jeonghan and Joshua. One was rarely seen without the other. They had been friends since they were kids and did everything they could to stay together throughout the years. There was even a time where Jeonghan was starting to develop feelings for his best friend, he tried to push these feelings away though, for he thought that Joshua didn't feel the same way. That the feelings he had would only break the most important relationship in his life. He had failed to notice that Joshua had liked him, too, and when he did, it was already too late. He no longer felt the same, as he was already deeply in love with another man.

 

It was in college when Jeonghan met Seungcheol. He was a new student and he sat beside Jeonghan during class. It was in that class where he muttered a stupid comment about the professor that made Jeonghan snort so loud, he almost got into trouble. Jeonghan apologised to their professor quickly and turned to his new classmate to blame him for the embarrassment he had caused when he saw the most blinding smile. And, Jeonghan was enamoured. He knew, in that instant, that he was in love. 

 

It didn’t take long before Seungcheol became a part of their group - as Jeonghan’s boyfriend. He was so scared when he decided to break the news to Joshua. He didn’t know what to expect. Aside from introducing his first boyfriend, it would also be the first time Joshua found out about his sexuality. He tried to tell it to his best friend as nonchalantly as possible. “ _By the way, Seungcheol’s my boyfriend now”_. He counted one to three before turning to look at Joshua’s reaction. The expression on Jeonghan's face was weird. He was smiling but he seemed sad. They’ve been together for too long that he knew this wasn’t one of Joshua’s genuine smiles.  _“I’m happy for you,”_ his best friend replied. Joshua immediately changed topics after that and Jeonghan didn’t think too much into it. He focused on the relief he felt when Joshua accepted it as it was and did not seem disgusted by what he had just said. 

 

Seungcheol was always with them since then. He even became close with Joshua. However, ever since the two of them got together, Joshua had started to change. Jeonghan did not understand, he tried to balance his time between Joshua and Seungcheol and tried his best to include Joshua as much as possible. But, he still felt that the latter was starting to drift away. He used to be outgoing, always the one who tried to make his friends smile, but after they announced their relationship, Joshua became closed off. The best friend he knew like the back of his hand had become a stranger to him. 

 

It took some time before it all clicked and Jeonghan almost felt ashamed when he finally realised why Joshua was acting that way. Joshua had liked Jeonghan. 

 

But, it was too late now. 

 

Jeonghan was so lost when he figured it out. He talked to Seungcheol about it. They tried to find ways on how to address this issue without compromising their relationship with each other and their relationship with Joshua. 

 

One night, Jeonghan and Seungcheol decided to finally talk to Joshua about his change in behavior. They wanted to tell the youngest how he was so important to them. They wanted to ask him how to make things better, how to make Joshua feel better. God knows they would do anything for their friend. Instead of seeing relief in Joshua’s eyes, though, they saw fear. Joshua’s face showed how cornered he felt and he started to run away, out of the house and into traffic. Seungcheol chased Joshua when he crossed the road, and then it happened, the moment that forever changed their lives.

 

Jeonghan felt utterly broken when Seungcheol died. No longer caring about anything or anyone at all, including Joshua. He honestly wanted to die, too, to follow Seungcheol, but Joshua stopped his attempts. Joshua convinced him to live together and over time, Jeonghan had learned to slowly heal. He was able to get rid of most of Seungcheol’s stuff and the only thing remaining was Seungcheol’s picture and though he had learned to move on, he still valued that picture as much as he valued his own life. So imagine how he felt when he saw the picture frame on the floor and Joshua sweeping the broken pieces. He was so angry. He was blind-sided by his fury that he was no longer able to think straight. He was so focused on his own feelings that he no longer considered those of the man who had cared for him for the past three years. He was so angry that he no longer filtered the words he said, and unintentionally hurt Joshua.

 

Jeonghan cringed as he thought these things, but he knew that he should still remain positive. Joshua would come back and he’d apologise and he’d explain that everything’s fine. It’s probably time to let go of the picture, too. So he’ll finally be able to move on and start his new life with Joshua, because he’s ready. Because he knows and he’s sure that he loves his best friend as well. Joshua would return and Jeonghan would tell him all of these things.

 

Jeonghan waited for as long as he could until he succumbed to sleep. 

 

—

 

Jeonghan woke up with a start when he heard someone trying to unlock the door. He looked at the time, it’s 6 pm. ‘Weird,'he thought. He remembers fighting with Joshua and waiting for him late into the night. It should probably be morning right now - or late afternoon. But he didn’t dwell on it any further.

 

Jeonghan immediately ran into the living room, and mentally rehearsed everything he was going to say. He waited for his best friend to enter the room, and when the door finally opened, instead of seeing Joshua, he saw the man he never thought he’d be able to see again. He was dumbfounded, confused, was he still dreaming?

 

He slapped himself and pinched his cheeks, and was surprised when he heard the man laugh.

 

“Yah! What are you doing?”

 

“Wha- How- Seungcheol?”

 

“Yes, Jeonghan?” The man smirked. He looked at Jeonghan as if Jeonghan was the weird one.

 

“What are you doing here? A-are you a ghost?”

 

Jeonghan heard the man laugh and he almost cried again because he never thought he’d get the chance to hear that pleasant sound once more.

 

“What do you mean, what am I doing here? I live here silly. Are you okay? Are you sick?”

 

“Bu-“

 

“And what do you mean am I a ghost? We might have to visit that psychiatrist again Jeonghan.”

 

Seungcheol jibed good-naturedly. And Jeonghan couldn’t help it anymore and cried. This seemed to alarm Seungcheol as he was no longer smiling and immediately ran towards Jeonghan.

 

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong? I’m here, I’m not a ghost. I’m alive. Okay? You were probably just having a bad dream” Seungcheol hugged Jeonghan, holding his head against his chest as he gently rubbed his back.

 

“I-it’s not a dream! It’s not a dream, okay?! Y-you were, you were dead!” Jeonghan sobbed into Seungcheol’s chest.

 

“Okay. Calm down, I’m here and I’m alive okay? That’s what matters.”

 

And he’s right, Jeonghan thought. He knew he should probably think about this some more, actually take time to process everything that’s happening, but he can’t. He didn’t want to. If this were a dream, then may he never wake up again. Seungcheol was alive and that’s what matters.

 

Jeonghan melted into Seungcheol’s embrace as he realised this. In some weird, impossible way, Jeonghan’s wish finally came true, and now, he, Seungcheol, and Joshua could finally be together again. Sure, they still have a lot of things to figure out but what’s important was they’re complete again. Jeonghan finally finally smiled at the thought.

 

“Seungcheol, I missed you so much” He sniffled and wiped the tears from his face.

 

Seungcheol looked like he was about to tease Jeonghan, but offered a soft smiled instead.

 

“Yeah. I’m here. You don’t have to miss me anymore.”

 

“Yeah” Jeonghan finally stopped crying, his smile getting bigger and brighter at each passing second he’s in Seungcheol’s arms. “Wait 'til Joshua hears about this.”

 

“Who?”

 

Jeonghan stared at Seungcheol’s confused face. “What do you mean who? I said Joshua” He must have misheard him.

 

“Who’s Joshua?”

 

And Jeonghan pulled back at that and tried to look for tell-tale signs in Seungcheol’s face, that maybe the older man was playing a prank on him. But, he found none.

 

Seungcheol just looked confused. He looked at Jeonghan with questioning eyes, and this made the younger start to panic. He took deep breaths and desperately tried to calm himself down. He tried to stay rational - that there’s probably an explanation as to why Seungcheol didn’t know who Joshua was - even though this whole situation didn’t even make any sense in the first place.

 

Jeonghan looked around the room and that’s when he noticed his surroundings. He looked at the corner, and instead of Joshua’s guitar, he saw a tall lamp that he didn’t remember owning. He stared at the counter, and every picture of the two of them were replaced with pictures of him and Seungcheol. He didn’t understand, and there was an unpleasant feeling slowly growing inside his chest and making him sick in his stomach. He quickly stood up and looked inside the bedroom. He opened the closet, everything, trying to look for traces of Joshua, but again, there was none. No signs of Joshua having lived here for the past 3 years, and no signs of Joshua’s existence at all.

 

Jeonghan sat on the bed and tried to process the situation. Where is Joshua?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, guysss! I'm really sorry it took me too long to update this fic. The truth is I really didn't know what direction I wanted this fic to go. But, I finally know now! If there are people who still want to know what happens next, this is for you and thank you so much for not abandoning my fic XD
> 
> This chapter is very short, but I promise I will update soon. I am really determined to finish this fic!

Joshua just kept on running. He ran and ran with no set destination in mind. He didn’t really focus on the road or where he was going, choosing to focus on the burn he felt in his chest instead. The physical one. The one brought by running too hard and too fast and not the one caused by words from someone he deeply treasured. He chose to focus on the ache on his legs and the wind touching his skin as he sped off. In his absentmindedness, he failed to notice that he was heading to the park. The one he and Jeonghan frequented, the one where Jeonghan told him about Seungcheol. In his haste, he failed to notice the huge rock on his path, and stumbled. He fell on the path and felt a new kind of pain, this time stemming from his knees and elbows. 

 

Instead of getting up though, he just rolled onto his back and lied down, spreading both of his arms wide as if daring the ground to swallow him. In the absence of anything to focus on, he unintentionally let the exhaustion, the breathlessness, the pain from his wounds and the pain from his heart enter his system. But, it didn't make him sad. It didn’t make him angry or frustrated either. At that moment, he just felt tired, tired of everything. 

 

He decided the best thing to do next was to focus on taking deep breaths. He mentally counted them and eventually regained some semblance of control. He became more aware of his surroundings and finally realised that he was alone at the park and that it was probably because of how late it was. He breathed a sigh of relief as it was the one thing that was keeping him from staying on the ground. 

 

He focused on the sky instead and the sight above him left him breathless. There were thousand of stars in the night sky. It was already such a rare occurrence for the stars to be visible in a city as polluted as theirs, let alone for this many stars to appear. He didn’t dwell on it and just laughed self-deprecatingly at the irony.

 

His mind wandered back to his fight with Jeonghan. He recalled the words they exchanged - the painful ones that led him to where he was right now. He thought of what he said, _I wish that, too. I wish it were me who died, too_ , and a frightening realisation dawned on him. Those words, he certainly meant them now. He realised that in his desperation to rid of his suffering, he was willing to do anything, dying included. He realised not for the first time in his life how scary his thoughts were.

 

In the middle of stargazing and torturous thoughts, he registered a new feeling on his face. he raised his hand to touch it and felt wetness. He realised he was crying. He didn’t know if it was because of the ambiance or just because of his general exhaustion but instead of trying to hide them like he usually did, he just let them flow. He cried until the stars above him became blurry. He cried until he could no longer see them and his vision was enveloped in darkness instead. 

 

—

 

 

Joshua had fallen asleep in the park.  At least that’s what he thought. It certainly explained why the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was the blinding sunlight. That and the fact that he was still lying on the ground. 

 

Great. Not only did he have to deal with the embarrassment of sleeping in public, but now he also had to deal with the back pain he’d absolutely feel after spending god knows how many hours lying on a hard and rough surface. He almost couldn’t believe that he had spent the night here, but it was the only logical explanation his mind could produce.

 

After a few minutes of contemplation, he slowly sat up and rested his weight on his elbows. He rubbed his eyes with one hand and when his vision was clearer, he finally looked around. 

 

And the sight before him made him doubt his own logic and question his sanity.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments, guys! I've read all of them and I really appreciate the support you've been giving me and this fic. I'm sorry I haven't replied to them yet, but I intend to do so!
> 
> Ok so this is the direction I decided this fic to go. I hope you guys are not too disappointed! If you are, please still give this fic a chance. I can't promise it will be good, but it would definitely be interesting! 
> 
> Also I'm done with Chapters 5 & 6 so I'd be posting them, too. Peace offering since I broke my promise of updating soon.  
> XD

Trees. Lots of trees. That seemed normal until his eyes focused a bit more and noticed something off about them. Their leaves were of different colors and patterns - gold ones, dotted ones, striped ones, there were even glittery ones.

 

_I must be dreaming then. Shit, this means I’m still sleeping in the park._ He frowned at the thought. Still, it seemed like he wasn’t waking up anytime soon so he decided to survey the place his dream conjured, wondering when he had developed the ability to actively participate in his dreams as this was definitely his first time doing so. 

 

He looked to his right and saw a pond. It looked pretty normal until he realised that the glimmering lights he saw reflected upon its waters were not glimmering lights at all but actual crystals. A pond of crystals. Go figure.

 

He finally decided to get up and walked closer to the pond. He sat down and dipped his right hand into it and felt the fine crystals. He expected them to be hard, but it felt like dipping his hand into a bucket of wet sand. Very relaxing. He scooped out a handful and stared at the crystals on his palm. He never considered himself as someone materialistic but he did question if this would cost a lot in the real world. He put it back and was about to dip his other hand in when he heard footsteps behind him.

 

“Hey! You’re awake!”

 

_What a deep voice_. 

 

He turned around to look at its owner and saw a really tall man - probably around 6 feet tall. He was wearing a white button up shirt with the top buttons undone, and white pants. No shoes. He had tan skin and dark hair that looked soft to the touch. He was smiling and Joshua noticed his sharp canines. He wondered if those hurt. He looked the man up and down and he had to  admit that this was one good looking dude. And good looking dude was getting closer.

 

“I see you saw the pond. It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

 

Good looking dude was standing beside him now, smiling widely and staring at the crystal pond, too.

 

_What a weird dream. Is this one of those lucid dreams?_ Joshua never had one of those. Never had good dreams actually. Nightmares on the other hand…

 

“Hey! Are you okay?” He must’ve contemplated for too long since good looking dude was staring at him now with slight worry in his eyes. His expression gradually shifted into one of understanding.

 

“Ah. Of course. You probably find this weird, right? I guess one would think so when they wake up in a completely different realm. Well, don’t. You’ll definitely like it here! Welcome to the land of wishes! I’m Mingyu! I granted your wish!” Good looking du- Mingyu, apparently, rambled excitedly and gave him a big and bright smile. He was dazed for a second, but he forced himself to focus on thinking of a response to the man before him.

 

“This is a dream. I’m dreaming right?”

 

“Uhh, no, you’re not. I just told you we’re in the land of wi-“

 

“Yeah, I heard you. But there are no land of wishes or whatever on earth. No multicolored trees and crystal ponds either. So this must be a dr-"

 

“Well, that’s cause we’re not on earth, silly! I just told you we’re in the land of wishes, which is definitely not on earth. I thought you heard me?” Mingyu looked at Joshua like like he was the one saying something silly.

 

For a minute, Joshua was speechless. He tried to process everything - the sight before him, the words coming out of this man’s mouth - but try as he might, he just couldn’t make sense of it. If this weren’t a dream then this could only mean one thing. He’s going insane. And Joshua couldn’t, wouldn’t accept that, so he convinced himself he was dreaming. He tried to wake himself up.

 

“Hey, man, what are you doing?” Mingyu snorted and looked at him like he was crazy. Well, anyone would probably think that way if they saw someone slapping and pinching themselves.

 

“Waking myself up.”

 

“Waking yourself u- do you still think you’re dreaming? Dude, I already told you. This is real. You’re not on earth anymore. You’re in the land of wishes!” The tall man grinned and raised both hands as he said those words, as if he were showing Joshua the eighth wonder of the world, as if it were something Joshua should find impressive.  It wasn't. 

 

“Nope, no. I’m on earth, in Seoul. In the park, probably still sleeping. That’s why I should wake up and head home. Jeonghan’s probably worried about me. Oh god, Jeonghan!” At that, Joshua remembered yesterday’s events: the fight, the broken frame, Jeonghan’s nearly manic state, and started to panic.

 

“Shit. I have to wake up. I have to head home. Jeonghan pro-“

 

“Oh yeah, your roommate, right?” Joshua was surprised at that.

 

“Uhh, yeah? How do you know that? Wait don’t answer that. This is a dream. Joshua, this is a dream.” Joshua started taking deep breaths to calm himself down.

 

“Man, dude, hey, listen to me. I’m telling you right now, you’re not dreaming. You better believe me. You made a wish yesterday remember? I just granted it and now you’re here.”

 

“Wish? What wish?” Joshua didn’t even bother to hide his confusion, trying to remember if he made any wishes last night.

 

“Well, you wished it were you who had died right? That Seungcheol was the one who lived?

 

“What are you tal- Wait. Hold on” And Joshua did remember making that wish. He remembered saying those words to Jeonghan and then later when he lied down on the park. He certainly meant that yesterday, but not anymore. Not now. He didn’t really want to die.

 

“You have to be lying. There’s no way this isn’t a dream.”

 

“Dude, just believe me. This is real.”

 

“Prove it!”

 

“Well, ok, give me a minute” Mingyu seemed to think, face in deep concentration. A few seconds later, his eyes suddenly got bigger, looking like he figured out the answer to the world’s most difficult question. He smirked and looked straight at Joshua. Joshua didn’t like it one bit. 

 

Mingyu then stepped closer and slapped him. Hard.

 

“Wha- WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!”

 

“You wanted me to convince you, right? and that’s what I just did. Well, it was what you were doing earlier, then I thought maybe you weren’t doing it hard enough, so I copied what you did and added a bit of strength into it.” Mingyu shrugged nonchalantly, as if he didn’t just make Joshua’s cheek swell with how hard he had hit him.

 

“A bit of- I swear to God I’m going to kill you!” Joshua raised his fist and was about to hit Mingyu when the tall man covered his face with his arms to protect himself from the attack.

 

“Okay, wait, wait, hold on. I’ve got a better idea. What if I show you a glimpse of earth, like your world, would you believe me then?

 

“What? How?” Joshua thought hard, trying to make Mingyu’s statement make sense.

 

“Well, I’ll just conjure a window right here, then you could-“

 

“Conjure, really? You’ll use your _“magic”_ to convince me that this is real” Joshua deadpanned, clearly unimpressed with Mingyu’s way of thinking.

 

“Okay, you got me there,” Mingyu rubbed his chin with his thumb and index finger and started to think hard again. Five seconds hand’t even passed when he seemed to give up and just shrugged. “Well… I guess I can’t”

 

“Can’t what?”

 

“Can’t prove to you that this is real. That this is your new reality, I mean. So how about I just explain things to you and you listen. Regardless if you think this is a dream or not."

 

Joshua gave himself a few seconds to ponder on that. Well, it seemed like he’s not waking up anytime soon after his and Mingyu’s very poor attempts to wake him up. But if he were being honest, with how hard Mingyu had hit him and his cheek still stinging from the impact, he had no doubt that he should be awake by now. Joshua was never a heavy sleeper and the slightest sound and sensation would wake him up. He’s afraid the giant might just be telling the truth. But that thought, the thought that this is his "new reality” scares him. 

 

“Sounds good?”

 

...

 

“Yeah. I guess.”

 

Well….. What else could he do?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 5, as promised. I'm sorry if you find my chapters are too short XD

Jeonghan still couldn’t understand what was happening. He decided to let it go yesterday as the emotions he felt upon seeing Seungcheol and realising that Joshua was nowhere to be found was just too much for him to handle. He tried processing the events than had transpired when he sat on his bed, but thinking must have made him too tired as he fell asleep in no time. Today, however, he intended to get to the bottom of it all and figure out how Seungcheol was, apparently, able to come back to life, where Joshua was and why  there was no trace of him left in the apartment, not a single sign of him having previously lived there.

 

Jeonghan slowly got out of his room, bracing himself for what he was about to see. There was a part of him that was scared that Seungcheol  would be gone, that the world gave him back just to brutally take him away again. But there was also a part of him that would be relieved if that did happen, because that would mean that Joshua was back, that yesterday was just a wonderful yet cruel dream and everything would return to what it was before. He still wasn’t sure which part will win out.

 

Jeonghan didn’t realise he was holding his breath until he stepped into the kitchen and saw Seungcheol in front of the refrigerator. He exhaled deeply and actually felt a bit disappointed. Seungcheol being here meant Joshua was still missing.  He then felt guilty at feeling disappointed and this cycle of emotions was starting to make him frustrated. He found it so unfair that only one of the two could be here. Why did he always feel as if he had to choose between the two people he loved?

 

He decided to ignore these feelings for now and went to Seungcheol.

 

“Hey. Good morning.” Jeonghan lifted his hands, about to touch Seungcheol but he stopped himself. He wasn’t sure what was appropriate anymore. He didn’t even know where their relationship currently stood.  If he were to base it on the pictures in the apartment, then they were probably a couple. That meant the normal thing to do was to hug him or maybe kiss him on the cheek, like he used to when they were still together. Like how he greeted Joshua in mornings like this one. 

 

Joshua. He remembered the other man and he suddenly felt disgusted at having thought of kissing Sungcheol. It felt like cheating. He probably shouldn’t feel this way because apparently in this reality, Joshua not in their lives. He can feel a headache coming up with the conflicting thoughts and emotions he was having, but if he were going to be honest, even though a part of him was happy to have Seungcheol back, he couldn’t deny that there was still another part of him, perhaps the bigger one, that would be happier if Joshua were here instead. 

 

He was slowly starting to accept that.

 

“Good morning.” Seungcheol leaned in and pecked him on the cheek. It happened too fast that Jeonghan wasn’t able to do something about it. Seungcheol made the decision for him like it was so easy. "I’m making breakfast.”

 

“Yeah. I could help?” Jeonghan suggested, not sure if that was something he usually did with Seungcheol.

 

Seungcheol walked behind him and grabbed his shoulders. He then directed Jeonghan to their dining table and made him sit down. “You just sit and relax. You seemed out of it yesterday and when I went to your room, you were already asleep. I bet you’re hungry now, you skipped dinner after all.”

 

At that, Jeonghan’s stomach grumbled. They stared at each other for a few seconds before bursting into laughter.

 

“See, I was right.”

 

“Yeah. I guess you were.” 

 

Seungcheol gave him a bright smile and then turned around to start making their breakfast. That smile. It was the one Jeonghan had always loved and at the sight of it he realised how easy it was so easy to fall in love with Seungcheol all over again. How easy it was to convince himself to like this new reality, too. But of course the thought of  Joshua stopped him. He was starting to realise how much Joshua really meant to him.

 

Where was Joshua? Was he really not in their lives? Or maybe Seungcheol just didn’t know him? Maybe the Joshua in this world was in their old hometown or just somewhere out there and they just never met? He wasn’t sure. His mind couldn’t give him answers, but he was surely determined to find out.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6! In Mingyu's point of view this time. This fic will have a lot of POV's by the way. I don't know if you guys would like that, but I hope you do XD

“Okay, so as I was saying, you are now in the land of wishes! Well, technically it doesn’t have a name, but I decided to call it that since that’s literally what it is. And again, I’m Mingyu. You’re wish granter.” Mingyu happily explained to Joshua. He was his first ever case after all. He’s too excited and overjoyed that after all his training, he was finally given his certificate and granted his first wish.

 

“Wish granter? So, like a genie?” Well, too bad his case seemed like a killjoy. Meh, he’s gonna stay here for a long time. And with Mingyu here, he’ll eventually - no, definitely - learn how to have fun.

 

“Well, no. Genies are conniving and devious creatures. We are nothing like them. We grant your wish as close to what you want as possible. We just make minor changes if they’re not.”

 

“So honest genies? Great” Joshua deadpanned. “But, what did you mean with minor changes?”

 

“Well, there are occasions where you can’t give people their exact wish. Just like yours.”

 

“What about mine?”

 

“You wished that you were dead, right? I mean, you wished that it were you who died instead of Seungcheol? We technically couldn’t bring the dead back to life or take someone’s life - wait, actually there's a few of us who could, really few, in fact I only know of one, and of course I belong to the population of those who can’t - so, I made do with what I could. I just created a world where you didn’t exist.” Mingyu knew he was rambling again, a bad habit, really. He’s probably confusing his case but he should learn how to keep up. This is a really good lesson for Joshua, if you really thought about it.

 

“WHAT?”

 

“Yeah. That way, the accident never happened so Seungcheol is still alive.  The people who knew you, won’t be able to remember you. Because you don’t exist there anymore, never existed there in the first place. So, I made the decision to bring you here, too. I can’t bring you to heaven or you know _,”_ he pointed downwards, “and since you actually still exist, just not in the world you lived in, this is the perfect place for you to go.” 

 

“Wait, what, no. I have to go back. I still don’t know if what you’re saying is real, but I really want to go back. Take me back” 

 

“What? NO! You just got here and besides-” Darn it Mingyu immediately covered his mouth at that, he shouldn’t tell Joshua that he could undo his wish. He refused to admit that if Joshua decided to undo his wish, then his first case would be a failure. He couldn’t have that at all. He wanted to prove himself to people, wanted to prove himself to his sunbae, so he just can’t have that.

 

“Besides?” Joshua looked suspicious. Mingyu tried really hard to play it off. He shrugged.

 

“Uhh, nothing. It’s nothing.” 

 

“Hey, I can tell you’re lying. stop that.”

 

And really, Mingyu was a horrible and he also wasn’t that cruel, so he settled for a half-truth

 

“Well, I could undo your wish. But you have to undo it within the day, before the moon rises. Okay?” His words tasted bitter with the information he hid, but it’s the best answer Mingyu could give without outright failing his first case. He’ll just try to convince Joshua not to undo his wish before the moon rises and then Joshua would no longer bother him with it. Case closed, all parties happy.

 

“Okay, then undo it now. I wanna go back.”

 

“Wait, I thought you thought this was a dream? Why are you so determined to undo it now?”

 

Joshua didn’t answer that and Mingyu knew he had managed to convince Joshua this was real. 

 

A few seconds of silence and Mingyu decided to break it.

 

“Okay, like I told you, I could undo it. But don’t you want to see the outcome of your wish? What happened to the person you made this wish for? Because I could tell last night, that you made this wish not just for yourself, but for your roommate, too.”

 

And Joshua looked surprised at that. It seemed like he was finally processing what having his wish granted meant - that now that he was out of the picture, Jeonghan was together again with Seungcheol. Happy.

 

Well, he didn’t know if he were happy, but he hoped he was. It would definitely make it easier to convince Joshua to not to undo his.

 

“I could see you’re starting to hesitate. How about I show you earth now. Like what I’ve suggested before?”

 

“Fine.”

 

Mingyu inwardly fist pumped. He at least managed to convinve Joshua to do this. Now, he just had to convince him he made the right decision.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fan fic ever. I've been contemplating if I should post this, because I'm sure it will suck. But, I've been wanting to try new things, so here I am. I'm really nervous about posting this. Sorry in advance for grammatical errors, English is not my first language. Criticisms and comments are much appreciated!
> 
> P.S. I really don't know how to tag this? If you have suggestions as to what other tags I could use, please tell me!
> 
> Thank you and I hope you like it!


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